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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

CWG spoof: How newspapers would read on Oct 2


This is a spoof on Common Wealth Games (CWG) to be held in India, New Delhi next month; Imagine how newspaper reports might read on October 2, one day ahead of the inauguration ceremony of CWG. Any relevance to persons corrupt and more corrupt are purely intentional.

New Delhi, India, October 2, 2010: CWG Failure should be taken in true sportsmen spirit- Kalmadi

As the last remaining contingent of foreign athletes boycotted Common Wealth Games and left the country due to substandard and nonexistent facilities, CWG OC Chairman Suresh Kalmadi said that the disastrous performance of CWG Organizing Committee should be taken in true sportsman spirit. Standing on the debris of a heap of construction materials which once was a Stadium meant to host the games, Kalmadi said “winning and losing are all part of the game, Our failure to host an event should be taken in similar sports spirits. We shouldn't be worrying about failure and should move on, particularly after the money is made” Kalmadi said he was very pleased with his "personal performance" in games preparation. “We hadn't played with 70000 crores earlier, now that we've mastered the art, we're confident of 'performing' 'much better' at the next event we'll be organizing” he said off the record.

Organising Committee spokesperson Lalit Bhanot said "success is subjective and depends on perception. Your measure of success may be different from my measure or his measure or his measure... We may not be able to host the games but we got worldwide publicity"

Delhi CM Shiela Dixit downplayed the failure as insignificant. “It’s only international athletes who’ve returned- the people of Delhi are still here and they’ll continue to pay taxes and put up with our mess. There’s nothing to worry. We’ll have more similar events planned to sustain the chaos and mess created” she said, emphasizing the need that people should pray harder and increase their tolerance levels.

Cabinet Secretary KM Chandreshekhar termed athletes leaving India as a minor thing. "I don’t know how it happened, why it happened but there’s nothing to worry about. Everything is fine and we’re confident of concluding the event. If no athlete turns up we can always randomly pickup people and distribute medals based on reservation policy, so that all communities and casts will be getting their share of medals." he said, while suggesting that media should play down the incident and everyone should stand united for National pride.

There’s no security threat. We are all set to announce that “we’re beefing up security” if something goes wrong, but some journalists continue to do sting operations and expose the loopholes, which is a conspiracy to defame us-said one top Delhi Police official.

Union Urban Development Minister, Govt of India, Mr Jaipal Reddy admitted"Yes, there has been some delays and issues, but these are very common. Though number of people doing the actual work on the ground is close to none, we'd sent large number of supervisors to supervise the progress. They've been doing wonderful job supervising the progress." "We're now planning another committee that will supervise these supervisors"Union Home Secretary GK Pillai added. 

"There's no issue at all. There have been projects where we executed everything on paper and pocketed 100% of the money. Here we've at least built something"- Said an OC member who didn't wish to be named. "These structures were supposed to last at least till inauguration day, its unfortunate they collapsed just few days ahead of it.." he added

Calls made to PMO went unattended. Sometime in the evening a watchman who came to lock the doors picked up our call and said that the last available staff at Indian PMO has already rushed to CWG venue to supervise the preparations.

Late night update: Happy to see the wonderful response received for this post. 50+ likes, 550+ pageviews, lots of comments- thanks to each one of your for the appreciation.-Nidhi


Image sourced from bollypatrika.com/ Other Humor posts: New Year Resolutions * Work phone * Gender confusion over the name Shrinidhi * Ladies who call me everyday *

16 comments:

Magali said...

This post is funny! :D
But the scary part is that with Kalmadi it is actually possible!

Trails of a Traveler said...

Do you think I would be surprised if the headlines really read that way? Not in the least!
I really don't understand why these so called organising committee does not realise that we are still not ready to host such an event. Accepting that we are not ready and working towards that is certainly not a shame, but boasting that we are capable and putting up a pathetic show is certainly a shame, not just to them, but to the entire nation.
BTW, why would they worry about shame as they have already amassed huge amount of money that could put away any shame!!!

Ram

KK said...

I can see the influence of several - Talks Shows & the 24 hr Live I can I I can see the influence of several - Talks Shows & the 24hr Live telecast shows that are being telecast in the so called 'Television Networks' that are working in full swing today....for their own TRP's....!

Do not forget the panel of distinguished guests from all fields of science, art and the most influential Actors from all woods...discussing nothing but total bliss for a day and retire in their Air Conditioned rooms as the Studio Air Conditioners Made a Harmful Dent in their Bodies Of Art! :)

Nevertheless, a good attempt! :)

KK said...

The pitiable part is the common man is more worried about the 'LOOT' than the shame for the country! :)

Mohan said...

I think there was never a bigger shame than this for India. For one such day, I may not feel proud to be an Indian.

sandeep varma said...

Interesting, I will not wonder if all this will happen one day

Anu said...

Good one!!! as it is, when i read the papers these days, i wonder whether i am to laugh or cry... and i really can visualise such responses after the cwg!

magiceye said...

funny and scary too

Shrinidhi Hande said...

Magali,
If only we had Paul the Octopus to predict CWG outcome...

Ram,
Agree. Not doing is much better than doing it badly

KK, Yes, the post was conceived after watching news for about an hour yesterday..thanks

Common man has every right to worry about the loot, because it was his money...

Mohan,
Let us prepare for the worst and hope for something that is less worse...

Sandeep,
You'll know in another 2 weeks

Anu,
hmm, me too not sure if we should laugh or cry...

Deepak,
:)

Srini said...

we Indians are predicted to be more powerful habitants in the world
it goes in line with that
we are also the number one in terms of corruption
wat a pity Sirji

Delroy said...

I second that KK and it well said "A good attempt"
Just imagine people talking aBOUT Pakistan being a criminal by the match-fixing scandal, what would the World think of India now, when just a fortnight ago the whole World was talking about the Superpower race between China and India. And who is responsible for publishing this, none other than the PRESS! Let alone the corruption fiasco earlier.

God alone knows who is paying thier wages to publish such news which brings so much disgrace not only to the country, but also to people.

If celebs say that we were not competent enough to host such an event, then i'm sorry for them as they possess the least of knowledge.

Atleast credit the people for putting up such a piece, if not upto to the standards of the OTHER countries.

I waiting for the games to begin and hope all atheletes play with full spirit!

Rajesh said...

Very humorous.
Sad part this only gives India bad image. I agree there is corruption at all stages. At least this people should have done proper work. Now we are not even ready to host the games.

Kutti Raj said...

Good one Mate! Will be sharing with my folks!

Shrinidhi Hande said...

Srini,
Let us hope it turns out not as worse as predicted in this post


Delroy,
ok, but why blame press? is the press supposed to hide the truth? If there's some good news I am sure press will cover that too

Rajesh
Yes, let us see how it turns out, as every day the story is taking new turns

Ok Kutti Raj, thanks

C.V.Rajan said...

Hi eNidhi,

An enjoyable piece of satire!

I particularly liked the "idea" of distributing the medals to people of different community as per reservation policy!

Well done!

C.V.Rajan

Shrinidhi Hande said...

Thanks Rajan sir

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