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Monday, July 23, 2007

About the ladies who call me every day

I haven’t written anything about ladies etc in my blog. Let me break that trend and reveal some secrets in this post. Trying some humor after a long time. Hope you like it.

Of late several ladies have been calling me, almost on a daily basis, not that my market value has catapulted overnight or any such reasons, just because I’ve chosen not to fall pray to any of the marketing strategies adopted by some companies.

My most favorite lady caller is Miss Caller Tune. She is very much upset (when people are upset they stop calling,but this strange lady is not like that) with me because I’ve not opted for Hutch’s caller tune subscription. She calls me everyday and complains about this. Once I accept her call, before I can say anything, she starts speaking like below:

"क्या यार् जब् भी कोइ तुम्हे फॉन् कर्ता है वही पुरानी ट्रि०ग् ट्रि०ग् सुनाई देती है| पता है? तुम् अपनी मन् पसन्द गाने को कालर् ट्यून् बनाकर् लोगो०को सुना सकते हो| इस्की कीमत् है सिर्फ् ३० रुपये महीना| हम् आप् के लिये लाये बहुत् सारे सूपर् हिट् गाने जैसे-

शक लक लक लक लक लक लक लक लक लक लक बूम् बूम|
इस् गाने को अपने कालर् ट्यून् बनाने केलिये १ दबओ| और् -
नो नो नो नो... नो नो नो नो नो. नो.. नो.. नो.. नो.. नो ऍन्ट्री..-इस् गाने के लिये २ दबाओ|

पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् कैसे कटेगा ये पल् हर् पल् -इस गाने से अपने कालर्स को दीवाना बनाने के लिये अपने मोबैल् से ३ दबाओ..."
in case Hindi unicode scripts do not get displayed properly..
(kya yaar…Jab bhi koi tumhe phone karta hain vahi purani tring tring sunai deta hein. Pata hain, tum apni man pasand gaane ko caller tune bana ke apne callers ko suna sakte hon. Iska kimat hein sirf 30 rupayee…Hum aap ke liye laaye hain bahut saare super hit gaane jaise..
shaka laka laka laka laka laka laka laka ….bhooom boooom boom…is gaane to apni caller tune banana keliye 1 dabao…aur No No No No...No.NO.No No No No No Entry...agar ye gaana tumhe pasand aata hein to 2 dabao…nahi to pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal kaise katega ye pal… -is gaane se apni callers to diwaana banana keliye 3 dabao…)

(For non-hindi people: It is a pre-recorded voice which plays bits of films songs and asks me to press a particular number to set that song as caller tune)
(I've not kept a count of how many 'pal's, 'shaka's, 'no's 'laka's and bhooms are there in the song. Excuse me if there is a count mismatch)

Why can’t she go on singing every available song on this planet? Probably I might choose 631940th song as my caller tune! But I think she gets tired after singing 5-6 songs and call will disconnect eventually if I don’t respond. I never end her call myself as she gives me my daily dose of music.


Second comes this lady (real lady, no recorded voice this time). She begins in Telugu . నేను హచ్ షాప్ ను౦చి మాట్లాడతున్నాను సార్ (Nenu Hutch-shop nunchi matladatunnanu sir..Telugu for: I'm calling from Hutch-shop)I respond promptly నాకు తెలుగు రాదు అమ్మాయి. దయచేసి హి0ది / ఇ౦గ్లీష్ లో చెప్ప౦డి (Naaku telugu raadu ammai, dayachesi hindi/English lo cheppandi-Telugu for: I don't know Telugu lady, please tell me in Hindi/English) she usually shifts to Hindi. In sharp 7 seconds she completes her statement (practiced and perfected by repeating thousands of times daily): Her offer is that if I recharge for Rs. 75 I can make hutch to hutch calls and 30 paisa only, Hutch to other mobiles at 45 paisa only and so on. For this I politely say అవసర౦ లెదు (Avasaram lEdu-No need) Next comes the follow up question: Why sir? It is good no sir? OR Isn’t it useful to you sir? At this point, I feel the urge to explain the lady my detailed analysis (including ROI, minimum number of calls I’ve to make in order to reach break-even in that scheme, my usage for past one year etc) based on which I’ve reached the conclusion this scheme is more beneficial to Hutch than me. But since my time is precious I resist my temptation and end the call.
image of tele-callers
Third are credit card ladies. They are assisted by their “boyfriends” who will be waiting just outside my office to help me. All I need to do is walk outside the office with a copy of my ID card etc and hand them over to their executive. 99% of such calls I disconnect without saying anything. If I’m free and in a good mood, I manage to say “No thanks” to rest of the fortunate 1% callers. (These tele-callers are paid to call hundreds of people every day and they have to hear all harsh scolding from people whom they call (never bothering if people are in a middle of a meeting or sleeping or driving) and irritate. But venting your anger on these callers won’t serve any purpose, because they have no authority to remove your number from the list).

Next time onwards, I’ve decided to explain them the concept of blogging and tell them how they can sell more credit cards by blogging, than making unsolicited calls.

Bunch of other ladies are also after me. All they want is that I should waste my hard earned money on several stupid products and services-including cricket updates, ringtones you name it. Their faith in me (or their belief that they are going to convince me some day) is unquestionalble. Even if I say NO they do call back again, sooner or later, with fresh hopes of getting some business from me!!!
Note: Image sourced from external website. Vishalon.net was used for Hindi and Telugu Unicode characters. Humorous writing only and no pun is inteded towards the ladies.

SMSs we get from them is another big story (even Novel) by itself...

News Update: Register your number with National Do Not Call Registry and tele marketers will be instructed not to call you. We hope this system works. TOI news here

Thanks to NA Azhar for correcting some of the grammatical errors in Hindi script above.

Related: SMS and WIN Hype | Crazy and Stupid Email forwards

8 comments :

knicksgrl0917 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
yaduruli.com said...

Good one nidhi, Very impressed with your articles. Will keep coming.

Uday @ ww.chennaimetroblogs.com

Shrinidhi Hande said...

Uday, Thanks for droping by and those appreciative words.

@The first commentor: I do not entertain advertisement kind of comments, hence had to delete your comment.

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Hahaha.... for a moment you had my hopes up as I read the title of the post :)

Shrinidhi Hande said...

What were you hoping Sudipta? :)

Sandesh said...

Hehe!

I get calls from males also! starts with "Hutch nimagaagi thandide! ..." I'll cut the call once i listen to that recorded message

Quality Tale said...

Nidhi,

Experience invokes your mind to write something here !!! in your HR language...I think it is known as VALUE ADDITION...expecting more than this....hindi wording feel the essence of the present happenings....nice article !!!

Shrinidhi Hande said...

Comments I got when I published this write up at Mouthshut:

Ipshonlu said:
Jul 24, 2007 10:36 AM (Updated Jul 25, 2007 08:58 AM)

Hi Shrinidhi,

Enjoyed reading your review thoroughly. These marketing calls are a royal pain...Its horrible even here, they call us about credit cards, satellite tv, phone companies..you name it. Its extremely irritating...but you have written it well....
Good job!
take care
Ips

rohitthebest said:
Jul 24, 2007 10:56 AM

wow.
Fundoo Boss.
Its same with every telecom service provider.
I too get many of those calls from Reliace too.
And guess what!! I always turn the automatic calls to speaker fone and let them brag and play music till they can, than eventually it gets disconnected.
When I was in hyd i used to get manual calls in telugu and now i get em in marathi in mumbai.
Best way is to tell them to hold for a second and than put them on speaker and dont say nothing at all for as long as they are online and than listen to what and how they respond - its hilarious at times, finally after 2 -3 times they give up and dont call u anymore.
I love handling them that ways - the idea is given to me by my friend in here on MS - Anuj Bhatnagar.
Try it sometime
You will love it apart from ur usual music overdose.

Kool Review
Keep Writing
Rohit
paulose said:
Jul 24, 2007 11:12 AM

shri, lovely writeup, we all can relate to this as somehow or the other we have these ladies in our lives too ;-) i personally like to make them giveup by resorting to rohit method above or some other. on the serious side, there are reasons why such calls are either in female voice or from girls !!! one airtel lady called me with this caller tunes, it went like this, after the initial intro

lady: sir would u like to have caller tunes?
me: whats that ?
lady: sir when someone calls u, instead of tring tring they hear a song
me: then what happens?
lady: until u pick the call, they get to hear ur selected song
me: so i shudnt pick calls, so they can hear the song?
lady: no sir, once u pick the song stops
me: so what do i get ?
lady: your callers will get to hear ur caller tune
me: i understand that , but what do I get?
lady: sir, u wont get anything, but when u call others u might have heard their songs
me: yes, i have. but i call them to talk to them, and not to hear half a song ...

after a while she realised i was just pulling her leg, and said ’’sir looks like you are not intrested, thanks for ur time’’ !!!

recorded females calling is nothing, i recall getting calls from ’main Atal bihari vajpayee’ during election times !!! ;-)

keep writing
santhosh
nitesh1104 said:
Jul 24, 2007 11:18 AM

Loved reading this... good write up although I have not much experienced it...

Cheers,
Ambuj :-)
Paulsb02 said:
Jul 24, 2007 11:42 AM

Hai Shri,

Excellent write up which hook the readers to the review.

Keep rocking in MS.

Paul





Editenidhi said:
Jul 24, 2007 11:56 AM

Thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts experience and comments.

Was trying to present the same old boring stuff in a creative way...
ajayan said:
Jul 24, 2007 12:36 PM

enidhi
hilarious writing on irritating experiences. I too get such calls from morning to night. From the comments section I have got real good tips to handle these calls.
Thank you
Jeeva
hakoonamatata said:
Jul 24, 2007 12:38 PM

You are one of the best writers on MS and every review of yours makes me realise this fact once more.

I liked the descriptions of the ladies in your mobile life. But let me shatter your dream - they don’t talk to just you. There are more than Hutch/ Airtel and umpteen Credit Crad companies that have such ladies (real or IVR) as their mouth pieces pumping all that stuff into our ears too.

I remember, the first ever call on my cell phone in 2000 was of an irritated lady just waiting to scold her apparantly henpecked husband. She wrongly dialed my number and downloaded all the ranting into my ears before I could tell her that I am not her unfortunale husband ( She heard this after 6-7 attempts from my end.). I forgive all callers when I think of her (her husband actually!).
Editenidhi said:
Jul 24, 2007 01:31 PM

jeeva: Thanks and welcome.

Dear Ateesh, ...those unloyal ladies...hmm... :)
Editenidhi said:
Jul 24, 2007 01:33 PM

@ All: A quick update to the review:

I also get calls from credit card ladies. They are usually assisted by their “boyfriends” who will be waiting just outside my office to help me. All I need to do is walk outside the office with a copy of my ID card, payslip etc and hand them over to their executive. 99% of such calls I disconnect without saying anything. If I’m free and in a good mood, I manage to say “No thanks” to rest of the fortunate 1% callers. (These tele-callers are paid to call hundreds of people every day and they have to hear all harsh scolding from people whom they call (never bothering if people are in a middle of a meeting or sleeping or driving) and irritate. But venting your anger on these callers won’t serve any purpose, because they have no authority to remove your number from the list).

Next time onwards, I’ve decided to explain them the concept of blogging and tell them how they can sell more credit cards by blogging, than making unsolicited calls.
-Nidhi

Alok_Sr said:
Jul 24, 2007 01:35 PM

Shri.. lovely write up.

Hmmm.. and I thought I am the only casanova out here getting calls from all these ladies. Some times the voice is too husky to ignore :)

Alok